Product Review

In my never-ending quest to reduce the number of showers per week I feel pressured by society to take (as it is important in life to have goals) I recently invested $4.99 in a product named PSST! Dry Shampoo.  It's been around since the 70s, and I guess the original packaging is still working for them, because they haven't changed it, ever.

 

On the back of the can they helpfully list suggested scenarios that might require the use of dry shampoo.  This might be because dry shampoo is for lazy, filthy people like me who would rather sleep for an extra 20 minutes than perform expected routine tasks of personal hygiene, so it's good to have a few reasons that will excuse your ownership of the product, should someone come across it in your bathroom drawer and want answers.

The reasons they give:

Between Shampoos

On Camping Trips

After Sports

When You Are Ill

Really though, there are so many more reasons to use PSST! and I think that, should the makers ever decide to reintroduce the product to a market of 21st century consumers, they might want to take a look at a few of the myriad reasons I've already come up with:

When You Are Too Depressed To Get Out Of Bed.

In The Car On The Way To Work After A Weekday One Night Stand You Already Regret.

During A Visit To Your Grandma's House After She Catches On And Hides Her Valium, As A Temporary And Ruinous High.

To Cover Up The Dense Smell Of Weed At Your Boyfriend's Apartment So He Doesn't Get Another Note From The Landlord Because If He Gets Evicted He's Not Fucking Moving In With You.

In Between "Featured Dances" At Little Darlings When Your Hair Is All Matted From Sweat And You're Backstage And Your Kid Will Not Stop Crying And The Owner Is Yelling At You For Bringing Him To Work Again And God When Will All This End.

To Make A Simple Blowtorch. 

Feel free to add your own!