How I Will Steal Your Friends Away

Hey, how are you. Good to see you again. Yes, we've met before. Oh yes, I'm sure. Many times.

Remember, you were wearing that shirt and I said I liked it and asked where it was from and what size it was? I liked that shirt. I thought about getting it. Maybe I can just borrow it from you sometime. I'll wash it and stuff. Unless you think that's weird.

I hear you do something in your life that I vaguely relate to. Let me tell you an anecdote that I just made up that briefly touches on that subject, and also frames me as an enjoyable, worthwhile person worthy of your time and friendship.

I think I could add something to your life.

Hey, I heard you went to college. I know of someone who I think went to that school at some point in the last 5 years. Maybe you know them? No? Well if nothing else I hope that my knowledge of your alma mater convinced you I am in your target demographic, friend wise.

So, I have this problem. I can't really tell our mutual aquaintance, but I just feel really comfortable around you. It's also about something really personal. Do you want to hear about it? I have a feeling you'll have some good advice.

Oops, hope that wasn't too intense. I cry like all the time anyway so don't feel uncomfortable. I saw that dog commercial with Sarah McLaughlin and cried for like an hour. Have you seen that? I can send you the YouTube link if you give me your email. In fact, why don't you give me your email right now before we forget. There are many funny things on YouTube I could share with you. Also, I have cable, so if you don't and there's ever anything you want to watch on TV, you can come to my place. I don't even have to be there, I can just leave a key. I like it when people are around to socialize my cat, because I'm gone a lot. Well, not that much.

Listen, I'm going to add you on facebook tonight when I get home. I think once we look at each other's profiles we'll realize how much we have in common and then our interactions are only going to get better and better. I'll comment on your pictures and tell you you look pretty. Also if you break up with your boyfriend and then meet someone else and have a date that you tell me about, I'll make sure to write "Have a GREAT TIME on your date!" on your wall so that your ex boyfriend knows you're going out with another guy. Then he'll be jealous. See, I got your back. You should do the same for me, maybe.

Well it was SO GOOD to see you again. I really had a good time. Let's make sure we all get together for a girl's night soon. Seriously, I don't know why we don't hang out more. You make me feel really good about myself and I like how your do your eye makeup. Maybe you can teach me sometime.

Remember, check your facebook. You text, right? I'll talk to you REALLY soon.