A Sacred Promise

I hereby vow, on this 12th day of June, 2008 that:

IF I make it from THIS POINT in my life (24 years, 3 months, and 2 days) to June 12, 2034, at which point I will have reached the age of FIFTY (50), WITHOUT having a normal, adult relationship (constituted by a period of at least six months of partner-exclusive sex, sharing of emotions, and meeting one another's parents, if they are still alive) I agree to the following:

I shall tattoo two (2) SUNNY SIDE UP EGGS on my chest, one on each breast, with the nipple serving as yolk.

I shall tattoo one (1) long strip of bacon on my sternum, in between the two egg tattoos

I shall allow myself to be photographed for a period of seven (7) days

I shall then make my way to a beach of my choosing, discard my clothing, and walk slowly into the sea, never to be heard from again.