Sick Day!

Friends, is there anything better than a Sick Day? While I believe Pete & Pete was amongst the first to pay the Sick Day a fitting tribute (the enlightened will recall the episode where Little Pete feigns illness after doctoring a can of tapioca... plaque candy, President Eisenhower, and an always appreciated cameo by LL Cool J follow), I'll join the ranks and offer my own. For your reading pleasure, here is a manifest of how I chose to spend my very own Sick Day yesterday:

6:00 AM: Wake up. Get the joe brewing, scratch myself while listening to Morning Edition.
6:20 AM: Decide I'm feeling a little under the weather. Consult WebMD while drinking said joe to see if it might be terminal.
7:30 AM: Narrow down potential ailments to gout, ALS or syphillis. Call in to work.
7:35 AM: Eat some waffles, smoke some Pall Malls.
9:00 AM: Phone mother. Mother wonders why I'm calling her at such an odd hour, and I inform her about Sick Day. "Didn't you just quit your job?" mother asks. I immediately start crying and hang up the phone.
9:03 AM: Call mother back. "I'm sorry," I say. "It's just... I..." I start sobbing again. My mom calms me down by singing "Cracklin' Rosie" and letting me talk to our cat Snowy over the phone. I feel a little sleepy.
10 AM: Take nap. Have what would've been a sex dream about teevee's Rider Strong, except we didn't do it, just made out hella. Totally gave him my digits.
3PM: Wake up in a groggy haze. Consider showering, putting on a bra, brushing my hair. Decide against all three, and instead leave my apartment in full greasy forehead and pit-stained glory to get a sandwich.
4 PM: Return home. Create nice trail between bathroom and couch in trash and clothes-strewn bachelor jungle. Feel a little sleepy.
4:23 PM: Watch Disc 3, Season 4 of the motherfucking wire. Feel me?
9:35 PM: Eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. Pass out with remote still in my hand.