What's in a name?

If you look up the meaning of my first name, this is what you get:

Maria
Gender: Girl
Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: Bitter

Which could not be more perfect. Because I am a girl, and I am totally meant to be Jewish/marry into the religion and my head is shaped like a dreidel, as evidenced in earlier post, and I am the MOST bitter person in the motherfucking universe.

I spend my nights lying awake, waiting/praying for the Tylenol PM coursing through my veins to kick in, pushing my cat away as she tries to walk directly across my breasts for the 70th time that minute because it really fucking hurts and there are way less sensitive parts of my body she could ford, or she could just JUMP, I'm not that fat and she is a goddamn animal and animals jump. I lie there regretting every decision I have ever made in my life, while simultaneously cursing things that I should be way, way, way over. Sometimes there are tears.
Example of something I should be done with: High school play casting decisions.

And I don't know why it's so hard to just let things go! And I can kind of separate myself from my angst and try to convince my racing, fevered mind that in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal, in 10 or 20 years it won't matter, but guess what?

10 years ago: a friend (and we are still friends) told me that because I couldn't unwrap a Starburst wrapper with my tongue, I would be a bad kisser. This snotty proclamation has rung in my ears every single time i've made out with a guy, at least while sober. And it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Conclusion: STILL BITTER. It matters.

20 years ago: my grandma (RIP) on a regular basis attempted to make my brother feel better about being displaced from his only child throne by dangling Tootsie Roll Pops in front of me and saying "do you want one, Maria? do you? Well, only BIG BOYS can have them" and then handing it off to my brother, ignoring my cries for justice.
Conclusion: STILL BITTER. It matters.

Example of something it's ok I'm still bitter about: Having places of employment lie to me and promise way cooler opportunities/growth that never happen.
Example of something I should be done with: My rejection from NYU, received right around (for true bitterness, I like to remember it as "on") my 17th birthday. But seriously, FUCK YOU NYU. And I hate anyone who gets to go there, and after that grim day I never watched "Felicity" again. Runner up: Not getting any money from my second choice school. So, fuck you Fordham.

The thing about bitterness is that it seems it be in it's own weird little category... like it's not so much an anger management issue, because I don't punch walls or beat on animals or anything, and it's not really depression, which leads me to believe it is just entitlement, which is a generation wide issue, and therefore not my fault. Because let's be honest, nothing is.